I look at her public instagram. Looking at her instagram reminds me that I'm just a client, yet gives me a glimpse into her non therapist life.

I swing between feeling connected like I carry her around with me, and craving that sense of connection too.

Those times are definitely hard. I try to remember things she has said, and sometimes I listen to some of my secret recordings of our session to hear again some of the healing things she has said.

Yup, I record and listen for that same reason - to feel connected.

Like you, I still crave the in person connection. I know T can't be a friend, but I really enjoy the emotional intimacy as I'm very isolated. What I try (it's really difficult for me) is to see where else I can develop such emotional intimacy and connectedness with others in my regular life.

Thus far, I find having deep conversations (usually via text) about books with fellow book lovers to help a bit, or fellow abuse survivors (also through text).

I'll write letters to her which I sometimes will give her, though I don't give her each letter I write to her.

It's not the same as in person connection and definitely not the same as in person connection with T but it helps me a tiny bit.