I've recently become aware of how much I've utilized dissociation to instantly deal with the unpleasant and sometimes horrifying triggers, memories, flashbacks, emotions, etc., and for me to be able to intentionally dissociate at will seems like another type of unhealthy addictive behavior.

Therefore, I've been working extra diligently to NOT do this since becoming aware of it. I'm trying to learn how to allow myself to work through it in a healthier way, which includes standing firm, speaking up and/or even walking away until I feel better able to deal with - instead of dissociating from - whatever it is that's causing me distress at the time.

I'm not saying I'm anywhere near the mastering of all that yet, either ... Just that I'm cognizant and aware of what I've been doing and am looking for better ways to remain present while I cope and deal with it all no matter how painful and overwhelming it can be sometimes!