I'm sure the explanation is really simple once I just work the mystery out. But yeah the only impediment is that I'm quite quite disabled as I mentioned. It's like I'm being put on a test where I'm being given punishment just up to the breaking point again and again. At which poit I have to recuperate by walking around like a zombierobot drinking coffee for a while.

Either that or I'm just a recovering disassociate (lol?)... And I have a boring kind of dissociation (not MPD).

I just keep on dying every day...