hi tomb,

i don't post very often, but i do have d.i.d. and thought maybe i could help. my husband and i have been happily married over 8yrs.

"mary" is dead because that original little girl is gone once the abuse starts. the life she might have had, dreams, everything that makes you who you are, gone forever.

memories of the past come and go. different alters hold different memories. ( just like separate people) i never lie about what happened. i know what happened when i can remember it. however part of me desperately wants to deny it ever happened when i don't. (so much that some alters have a hard time believeing it did, even when there is plenty of evidence.

living with someone, with d.i.d. can be a lot of fun, but at times very challenging. you may have to repeat things a lot. changing can be confusing, frustrating and embaressing. (mostly for her). when i lose time (blackout) i don't usually relies it, untill something tips me off. you may have to be extra responsible at times. eg. my huband will say something like "how's supper coming" so i don't let the pot boil over. or casually double check the stove to make sure i turned it off. same with laundery. things like this might not happen everyday, but it does happen. it's not her falt. it will irritate her more than anyone. being powerless over "it", is depressing, frightening, and confusing at times. being powerless over the abuse was bad enough. (that's why trust is everything) you want to be like others, but you're not. you want to trust others, but to do so is very hard.

in order to get d.i.d. it usually takes the worst, long term abuse you could think of. so horrible an alter shows up to help you function, and block out the unthinkable. i'm not telling you this to scare you off. just trying to give you some idea of what it's like for her. i know for myself, i am so glad i have someone to share my life with. i'm happier now than i've ever been. she deserves that too. it does take a special person. i had a long talk with my husband before we lived together. basically, "can you take it from now on? i don't have a choice, but you do." i didn't want him to resent me or end up hating me later. that would hurt worse.
people with d.i.d. usually have a high IQ. and are very talented. we have much more good qualites than bad. as for me and my husband, we spoil each other rotten. no matter how mad we get, ( which is not very often) we give each other respect. trust and respect are important. we keep that by talking things out, and listening to one another, sincerely. i hope you both find the same happiness i've found. good luck!

benny