I am very slowly starting to feel slightly better, there can be off days where it's me going to bed waking up to smoke a have a glass of water and play around with the computer for ten or so minutes then off to bed again, and, there can be days when I can actually find the concentration to watch some courses I m interested in. The best thing that's happened is that I don't get this horrible headaches/instability/dreadful general feeling anymore, or at least not often at all. Btw, three or so weeks ago I said oh **** it, **** all of it, I can't live like that and I spend a week or so on weed and about a bottle of wine a day, which should have set me back immensely but gladly it didn't. It didn't relieve me that much either mind you for anyone who might be as stupid as I and go down that way, to be sure it did make the days more tolerable but the rebound was nasty, coupled with the grief I was going through, and good lord, that was, well, hell, but less hell than a month ago when I was clean and on ads solely.

There are also some terrible nightmares that I wake up to during the night, scary ****, and they carry on for a few minutes after I 've woken up, but that's the least of my problems.

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for God is my shepherd he puts oil on my face, that's what I keep reminding myself.

Today I cooked something simple and served myself to eat, it felt mostly effortless, I can't even remember when it last felt effortless and I was an avid cook before my breakdown, as in I 'd cook three meals in half an hour kind of cook and I d have 15 ingredients to play around with.