Quote:
Originally Posted by passionfruit3
Had a therapy session the other day and we talked about an experience that happened when I was fourteen. I had a eight or nine year old cousin at the time over and my mom was upstairs taking a shower when my cousin began to try to encourage me to let him do stuff to me.I told him no but he began to kiss my face and my chest and though. That's. As far as it went I didn't know what to do after I felt. Like it would cause trouble in the family and so I said nothing but my cousin did and my parents came back to me and talked to me the ending result I cried in the bathroom the ending result being nothing came of it cause I was older my mom today blames me she says I should have done more to stop it but I just thought when you told someone no it means no she also feels I'll be taken advantage of again if I don't learn to say no I don't feel the same as bad as it was my cousin was and will be the only guy who will ever touch my hideous self I'm not worthy of love.and there's a lot more I can't have children cause I feel I may hurt them as a result of this event.and something I did at sixteen haunts me and I did not share any of this with my therapist and my family doesn't know I don't want them to disown me for any of this
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First off - I do not know you nor your physical appearance but the fact that you care at all about other people tells me: you are NOT hideous. appearance neither makes us beautiful nor ugly, mistakes do not define us therefore cannot transform our inner beauty either - neither do acts of kindness. What gives us our beauty is our defining personality. We can choose to make choices to change that along the way if we wish but it is much harder to do than altering the physical appearance or an act of kindness or a mistake. Caring - shows you have at the very least "some beauty" - therefore, you cannot be hideous.
Next, the question of blame comes down to a myriad of questions:
1. Did either of you ever request to stop and if so was that request granted?
2. Even though you were older - how much of what was happening did you truly understand - on all levels: physical, emotional, sexual - and how much did he understand?
3. Did you attempt to lure him to you or etc in any way - or did he do so to you - or was it just something that happened?
Those are just very basic questions that will help you understand a bit of the "logistics". Now - as far as the rest though, you were 14, you still were not fully matured emotionally and psychologically either - so truly, no matter how much you may have understood - there still is a factoring difference both in the maturity levels and the fluxing hormones of an adolescent vs that of an adult. At the very least, whether your parents thought you may somehow be at blame or not, they should have brought you to a counselor - as should the parents of your cousin.