It is scary to have thoughts like that. I know for me that when I'm there, it seems like it is always that bad, but when I'm not that bad, it's hard to imagine what that is like or that I could really feel that bad. I'm sorry that you are going through it now. I know it can be a shock when T mentions meds too, when that isn't characteristic. Somehow I found a thrill in that too though. Especially in the realization that someone cares. I relate to sabotaging the things you really want to do (or know that you would want to do or would regret not doing) too. Why do we do that, anyway? Would you be willing to give it a shot and call your friend?

I'm wondering how you manage practicum when you feel like you are feeling. Are you able to set it aside when you are working with others? I can just see myself in the same boat soon. I hope not, but it could happen. I wonder if the stress of your practicum and work could be contributing to what you are feeling now. Do you need to take a break from it?

Please do what you need to do to take care of yourself, even if it means meds and/or hospital. You need to heal yourself so that you can help others to heal.

Rap