Therapy would be one way to see where exactly you make decisions based on thoughts which don't serve you. Is going into therapy possible for you? I don't know you and your situation.

I guess it takes time to find out what you need and where you need to make changes.
Talking to people has been and is essential for me, and I can only offer my thoughts here from my point of view. I found a great therapist and he helped me see where I get into everyday situations which remind me of my family so I feel like I am being "there" again. When I finally realized that, I also saw that what my memory told me wasn't true and that I can make my own choices. The world isn't like my family, and I am free to make my own choices. - But it took me years to get there

If you post about specific thoughts or feeling or events here on PC you will get more detailed feedback
*hugs to you*