as i sit here smoking, i can identify with you...lol........i didnt start until i was like 19 and only smoked a couple years and then quit for about 9 and then started up againwhen i was like 29. i have never been a heavy smoker. mostly 1/2 pack a day, maybe a pack when i am stressed. but i find i do it to curb my anxiety. it forces me to breathe deep and relax. it is the only time i do it. i guess if i made and effort to focus on breathing i may not have to smoke? i never really felt addicted to the nicotine because mostly i smoked when i was out in public and could go the whole weekend not smoking. that has kind of changed but i did spend two weeks recently in SD and didnt smoke or think about smoking the whole time because my daughter frowns on it. but then a few days in san diego at my sons i did smoke and they do too but i was really suicidal at the time. i am really trying to quit now as i have a hacky cough. i have the electronic cig which i used before and it had worked for awhile until and intern made it too easy for me to access the real thing. so i am still smoking when i am out in public (im agoraphobic) but at home i use the ecig. i bring it to work too and use it but if i am "dying" for a real one, i am not going to deprive myself or i will just end up saying **** it.