I'm at my wits end with my sister-in-law. When my brother got married, the whole family adored her. She was a very sweet, funny, laid-back individual. She shared a lot of goals and interests with my brother, and had those of her own as well. She was, at the time, a very lovable, well-rounded person.

Well, my brother and SIL suffered a couple of tremendous heartbreaks, losing two children to a genetic condition (stillborn). After therapy and genetic testing, they were able to conceive and have a beautiful baby boy. For a few months after his birth, she was tired, but pleasant and happy. We (my parents and siblings) offered to help with what they needed; we'd cook meals and pick up items from the store if they needed something. I don't think we were pushy or nosy or anything like that, and we certainly never attempted to correct them as parents or impose on their time with their new son. But, shortly after my SIL returned to work, her attitude changed. She stopped talking to all of us, and would only communicate via her husband - my brother; she said she wouldn't be bringing the baby over any more, or visiting their home in the future. She has set a very restrictive visitation schedule. My parents may only visit their grandson once a week, for a couple hours and this meeting takes place at the other grandmother's home (she watches the baby every day he is not at daycare); my folks have to call my brother on Sunday to confirm who is going that week, and if anything comes up that causes a change in the schedule, like an emergency plumbing problem -true story- my parents lose visitation privileges. My parents have only been asked to babysit one time, after the other grandmother had to cancel due to illness, and that was only after my brother's insistence. My siblings and I only get to visit with them every few months, for very short periods and only when they initiate the request. I haven't been to my brother's home in over a year.

She has become indifferent to my brother's requests and hostile towards my parents. They are trying to be patient, but it hurts my heart every time that my mother sits down in tears over this situation. I don't want to come between my brother and his wife. I want them to be happy and come through this stronger. I'd love to be able to visit my nephew without being terrified that I'm somehow ruining something. I'd like to be able to sit down with my SIL and have a drink and talk and laugh like we once did. I can't figure out the best approach to help repair these damaged relationships. Maybe I did something wrong, and maybe it has nothing to do with me or my family at all. I just don't know.

My brother and SIL have been to family counseling and he has asked us for our patience. I haven't tried for a while to reach out, because I'm trying to give them space and respect his request. Any advice for me? With the holidays coming up, I'd love to have the same, friendly comfortable dynamic that we once had as a family, but I'm fighting the urge to scream at her for being so selfish.