I am so so so sorry!! Of course you weren't responsible for what happened and too scared and confused as a child. Any sensible person would have protected you. And of course these memories and emotions don't just go away.
Do you have a therapist you can trust and talk to? I really think that therapy could help heal a little bit of the past and give you some tools for your own empowerment.
You are not alone in this. Many people have experienced horrible things, because the world can be a f**** up place But know that it isn't your fault, and that it is over. I don't know much about PTSD, but is that something you maybe have been diagnosed with?

Feel free to talk whenever you want, us people on PC are here for you.
Love, comfort and a big warm hug to you