My inquiry involves dealing with an exorbitance of self-directed emotional negativity. I can't classify all of the resulting actions as self injury so I didn't post there, but I would consider these actions as self sabotage. I am feeling a lot of complex emotions right now which has resulted in an ebbing and flowing in my depressive mood as well as symptoms.

Currently I want to expose myself to all sorts of physical behaviors that are both outside of my character and not good for me. The most perplexing are the following:

-Smoking cigarettes (I have never been a smoker, but every time I pass a gas station I almost stop to buy a pack.)

I am also struggling with sleeping, eating, and alcohol consumption patterns. Further, I am not doing well with timeliness or work goals. I recognize that I need to develop self-esteem but is there anything anyone else can suggest? I am seeing a therapist but it seems my condition is escalating.

Thank you in advance.