My T is taking vacation and Tuesday will be the last time I see him for 3 weeks. I am dreading the vacation, but I am dreading Tuesday even more. At this point I'd rather not see him at all. I think I am attempting to avoid the pain of the separation by not talking about it. It's so much easier to split myself off so I don't have to feel.

Even at this moment, I am wondering if I want to quit therapy altogether, but my heart tells me that this is an old habit of avoiding pain that I need to get beyond.

Last week, I had a long conversation with him about connection and disconnection and I felt like I couldn't bear the separation between sessions. We talked about my worries that he will disappear. Now, I feel like I don't have anything to say to him when I see him. Am I just protecting myself? How do you handle these conversations about separations? Are they as intense as I feel them? Sigh.