Thank you so much for this! And, exactly! The Holy Spirit gets credit for my mania and, especially, my psychotic break. I was doing similar things and eventually, was "talking" to God and he was "talking" to me and I believed I was chosen (but not in a healthy way). My therapist says that God and my psychosis are separate parts and I have to not only trust that what I believed to be God and holiness was neither parts but also trust that God did not make me sick and that he wants to give me everything I need and surround me with his love.

I don't even pray for healing anymore. I also don't believe it is God's will for my life. I once believed I was healed. After years of stability, BAM!, I completely lost my mind. It is, to this day, sooooo difficult to accept.

I just wonder, when do I cross the line? Today, I feel lead to cross the street and ask for my neighbor, who is dying of cancer, for her phone number so I can call and talk with her. I have no money to lavish her but I figure a listening ear may be of help. I feel confident this is under the Holy Spirit's lead and I am going to do it. However, when I was psychotic, the Lord would tell me to *ask* strangers for me to pray for them. The prayers were accepted with love and always seemed wanted. Was that the Holy Spirit leading me? Or, was it entirely mania? If it was entirely mania, why was it accepted and not viewed by the others as crazy? It seems so deceptive, confusing, scary, and unfair.