My 8 year old stepson is acting out in an extreme fashion. He's an only child.

He has stolen credit cards to to buy games on his Xbox 3 different times. The first time his dad's card was already on file for billing purposes (he removed it after the incident), the other 2 times he got his mom's card out of her purse and used it.
He also has bathroom issues. He'll be 9 in 3 months. Up until about 6 months ago, he was still pooping or peeing his pants once every week or 2 at school. He acts like it upsets him when the other kids make fun of him, but he wouldn't stop doing it. He still won't wipe himself out of laziness. Just a few weeks ago, his mother fussed at him because he didn't wipe himself and he left some poop on the back of the toilet. She made him clean it off. So the next time he had to poop, he took his Halloween bucket and pooped in that in his room rather than go use the toilet. What the world??

His mother spends more time texting on her phone with guys from dating sites than she does paying attention to her son. He failed the second grade. He yells at her and is very disrespectful toward her, but like I said, she won't pay any attention to him. She'll tell him she's going to take him to a movie or something and then she'll back out. He doesn't act this way with his father (thank goodness, I couldn't stand to be around that...). He is still sneaky and lies sometimes when he's here. He'll hide soiled underwear from us even though his dad has told him it's ok, we won't be mad at him. But overall, he doesn't act out nearly as bad when he's here as he does when he's with his mother.

My husband doesn't seem to realize how bad his behavior is to anyone on the outside. I think his behavior is atrocious and he needs to be seen by a psychiatrist immediately.

Any insight would be appreciated.