Quote:
Originally Posted by littleowl2006
I am so so so sorry!! Of course you weren't responsible for what happened and too scared and confused as a child. Any sensible person would have protected you.  And of course these memories and emotions don't just go away.
Do you have a therapist you can trust and talk to? I really think that therapy could help heal a little bit of the past and give you some tools for your own empowerment.
You are not alone in this. Many people have experienced horrible things, because the world can be a f**** up place  But know that it isn't your fault, and that it is over. I don't know much about PTSD, but is that something you maybe have been diagnosed with?
Feel free to talk whenever you want, us people on PC are here for you.
Love, comfort and a big warm hug to you
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Yes I have. It's ruined so many relationships and my mental health has given me more a blessing of better insight but a curse of just separated from people. Friends are impossible and I'm forced to be cut off till I'm in the environment whereI'm free to be around others outside of work. I'm afraid of taking opportunities like too many because it always crashed on myself backfired back at me. I have so many "friends" I've lost count.
I didn't have the life where most people always had somebody even when they said they didn't. I don't know or believe because of all the lies and constant disappointment and hurt I receive its safer to say I have no friends.
I just am feeling left behind because I wanted and need what they have but since I'm not like them they rather cut me off like a weighted bag. I'm sick of trying to be civil and being there for people and no one appreciates the good only the bad and I don't date because I was damned abused in that so much.
Marriage is equal to living hell for me and I'm not ever thinking about being a parent ver ever again.
I will not let myself suffer for someone else. I'm sick of just being the inconvenient one being there's always a friend or someone for somebody is lying... I was there for my friend who died 2 months ago and he left me.
It's ******** how I'm cut off. I'm not worthy to get anything ii want because of the life and circumstances I'm forced to be stuck with. That I'm sad because I'm imprisoned by my life, my mind, and definitely the lack of people and opportunity that make me feel confident in my own certainty I won't harm anyone else because I'm the one whose ****ed up and whose life was born to be a special kind of hell till death. That not once not ever has a another human being got me to stop crying and help me believe in myself and not being told I'm bad.
Not once someone didn't say they love me and not to keep me quiet but go out their way.
And even if they did how am I supposed to know what's that like when I have not receive such a simple gift emotionally from another. When they know was given to them all their life, but never understood and never will to not get it. It's a paradox I'll be living a life shut out from birth to death whether I like it or not it's what it is. I've stopped believing in other people. I don't make promises I don't care for what anyone thinks, I don't care what is bad in the world or good, all I know I don't want to be here...
And I don't belong.... you know if you're lived you're life like I had always alone always misidentified and misunderstood by everyone literally. It's like you're always a stranger and you feel both invited and intrusive and not welcomed.
That you never know what it's like to have control knowing who loves and doesn't love you .