Thank you Shezbut! i feel so alone in this.

what you say makes sense, surviving day by day, second by second.... but its right the present or how i live it to create me problems.

i dont dwell on the past and i dont even think much about the future, it would be wayyyy too much depressing. but even just planning the present day overwhelms me.... going to sleep at night, waking up in the morning.... i go crazy.

yes, maybe you mean living it even more in the present, like minute by minute, but i DO know what expects me during the day and i HATE IT.
i hate everything about everyday about anyone and about myself especially.
im just so f****ing sick and fed up and overwhelmed and disgusted by life and living. i just cant take it anymore, but there are still things i need to do before quitting, so im trapped here meanwhile. which could either be a reality or a way my mind tells me to hold on, i dont know, i only know im REALLY REALLY REALLY SICK OF EVERYTHING. and still dont know how to deal with all this stuff in my head and heart

PS. I called in sick. Never done before except for real illness. I dont want to live today or anymore at all... Please, tell me im going to make it until tonight one way or another...