Quote:
Originally Posted by rcat
I'm going to say step back, respect her wishes and allow things to grow. This is not what you want to hear I know. Actually I find a grandparent seeing a grandchild more than once per week rather excessive. I would be incredibly overwhelmed and feel put on the spot.
So, what can you do. You can ask her how she would like you to be involved or help.
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Thanks for the input. I think I need to expand on a thing or two though. I hear what you are saying, as it was similar to what my brother said, "Give it time, she needs space." I have done that. My parents have done that. I haven't asked if I could visit with them for 8 months and haven't been to their home for 12. When I see my brother, I ask if there is anything they need or would like, and when he says "no", I don't push. My parents have acted similarly.
As for the visitation thing, I understand setting boundaries with in-laws and being in control of raising your own child. I think it's healthy to say no when you need to and have the chance to decide how one wants to live in the new family one creates. What I don't understand if why the dramatic shift in her attitude and actions, and why my brother's attempts at communication with her are suddenly falling on deaf ears. I'm happy my parents get to see their grandson, even once a week. But the "rules" set by my SIL make it hard to enjoy the time they get because they live in fear of losing those privileges. My SIL's mother is a primary caregiver for the baby, looking after him 3-5 days a week, for several hours (7+). That lopsided standard is probably most difficult for my folks, because the other grandmother has vocalized the same concerns, saying, "He doesn't spend enough time with his other grandparents."
Some of my most cherished memories are those spent at my own grandparents' homes. During the week, we'd visit the maternal side, on Sundays, we'd spend hours at the paternal grandparents. Now that they are gone, I'd give anything to have had more time.
It wasn't odd for my brother and SIL to come over every week for Sunday dinner before the baby or even drop by during the week to chat for a bit, and now, those visits do not exist. The communication is broken, and my poor brother has to act as peacekeeper and I know it's just breaking his heart. My SIL's personality has dramatically changed, so when I do occasionally see her or my brother, I don't know how to act.