I like to suffer and I make myself suffer. I started doing this when I was about 13. This is also the time that I started fantasizing about being bound and raped because I was sexually aroused by the thought. I also enjoy people making fun of me. I find it enjoyable and I like to see everyone laughing. When I found out what flogging was, I began fantasizing about being bound and flogged because I found it sexually arousing. I found it sexually erotic to date guys who dominated and controlled me. My high school therapist said I was looking for a father figure.
My father was very controlling about how I completed tasks. My dad noticed I was making coffee and he didn't want any, but he stopped me to tell me how many scoops of coffee to add according to the instructions. My mother expressed to me that she was a mistress. My mom raised me like I was a dog and used classical conditioning while she raised me. Do you think that I might be a masochist?