It's coming on again. Everywhere I look, I'm picking up this one particular color. I was watching this night view from my window last night, it was fine. And this morning, I see the houses and other buildings, I'm not criticizing the design or how tacky all that looks, it's just too many. My room and stuff inside tells about what kind of person I am, I made it so the way it is, and how I felt about it last night and my brain's reaction to them this morning are making me very uncomfortable. Past few days, I can say that I'm okay for only a few hours a day, I never feel that I relax at any time of the day but those are the time, that gives me a break and obviously I'm not getting enough of it. I feel that I'm at the opposite end of comfort, peace, relaxed state, joy and enjoyment. All the excitement of life, the faulty view I was having has subsided substantially, almost nonexistent at this point. How my mind is working right now is so mechanical, watching myself reacting the way I do is just what it is, I'm doing what I know, my imaginations included. If there were a time, my clock would be desynchronized, and I'm not hearing the next ticking sound. I'm not complaining about this ups and downs and what has been presented to me, I've been using tools and ideas to counter them, doesn't seem to be working much, being stuck in wherever this is, there's no envisioning happening. A single moment still gives me something I suppose, then I have to walk past it, then the world around me gets blurred. Searching the depth of the ocean, or out in the space, I just live till I collapse.