In the last two weeks my anxiety has been overdrive. I have alienated myself to my house and haven't talked to anyone. I'm an auto mechanic, and my word or skills is constantly being questioned like I don't know what I am doing but I'm very good at my job. Nothing like figuring out whats wrong with a car to be told your wrong and go back and figure it out right. Its a slap to your face. It defy's the whole purpose of your job. My anger levels are out of control at work, I barely keep from throwing a wrench across the shop. Then I get news the other day I'm loosing my health coverage at the beginning of the year along with the week vacation I've been waiting for. On top of that cooperate isn't happy with their six figure salary. they plan on **** canning a mechanic because profits aren't that high and I'm a good candidate to be fired. My anxiety levels have gone to uncomfortable levels and I sit here at my house alone, too dysfunctional to leave. My friends don't talk to me anymore. I'm still morning the death of my best friend who committed suicide back in 2011. At this point my head hurts, I can't control my thoughts, my mood swings from depressed to angry and back all day, I break down and start drinking. Twice this week, I've thought about wanting to end it all.

I have never felt so worthless, so alone, so numb in my entire life.

The other day, I found my old anxiety meds I took back in the service. I started taking them and I've finally calmed down long enough to get my life back together. I have been able to remove some friends out of my life and found closure in my friends suicide.

I've managed to pull out of being depressed for the most part. I've decided a change of scenery is due. I plan plan on moving to a different area and higher pay. I think the constant reminder of driving through town passing houses belonging to the friends I left behind stirs up thoughts.

This is no way a success story but the struggle I've been through recently. My anxiety still gets the best of me but it helps me do my job, the only thing I find enjoyable in life. My work can be very rewarding sometimes or it feels like its ripping the soul out of me.