I realized I'm doing something my therapist would tell me not to do so I'll fix it: Unless the lithium is amazing I'm not going to be well for Christmas. I just won't be where I'll be after rapidly coming off of 1200 mg of Seroquel. And where I'm at now is still considered severely ill. It's not like I made it sound, that this is a choice. Delaying is a choice. I hope it is the right one. But mostly I'm just hoping to control when I feel even worse than I already do.

I know most of you know this but my therapist would consider this correction important in light of how hard we've worked on my admitting when things are very bad or when I am in actual pain. Some of the leftovers of child abuse that we just discussed today after I refused to tell the dental assistant I was in pain b/c the numbing wore off during a filling (and the dentist even poked his head in to see if I needed more numbing b/c my body processes it too quickly and I still declined rather than admit it hurt). Someday I'll get it right.