I'm certain no one cares. I'm stuck in this sickening workd where everywhere I Iook I can't trust anything people say.

How defenseless I am appearing as a mad man fearing for his personal choices, safety, and mental understanding why people target me. Why is it I'm the target of such mistreatment and all I want is to be left alone.

A personal choice of me wanting to be free from human nature live simple and isolated because I want to avoid this cruelty. I can't change anything so I will turn away and look away.

Why do people force their way into my life just to wreak havoc why do the men I meet take control of things I like and destroy it and women dig deeper to steal what's left like vultures.

Why do I suffer while I give the gift of enlightenment at times and inspiration at times. Do I exist to cry? Does it please every one of you? Do you like torturing a damaged child a damaged adult and life.

Does misery make you smile? Do you watch horrible things wishing you can help them as a form of projecting your own helplessness or pleasure or even pity to feel that's the best way to love someone?

Treat one like garbage then love them... is that it? Is that what we are supposed to do is this world waking me up that I'm the minority.. that I'm unworthy just except being under someome else's boot when I don't have a choice even when I believe or feel I do.

Is this my punishment? Was I a bad man or person? Did I deserve this hell? Surely should have suffered thing a worse or is this the plan in mind. Have me lose everything? Make me go crazy to kill myself just for the shear pleasure of punishment?

I always wondered if I'm already dead and these moments are a reminder where I'm at. How forgotten and unloved I am... that after my last friends leave and especially my mother passing away when I truly will have no one left am I expected to kill myself because I can't make one friend ever. I was the one who brought down the he'll and I deserve something worse than death....

Turning my family on me, making me a victim when I didn't want to be and making every one shut me out to watch me die. Is that what you enjoy doing?