I posted a while ago about how I was waiting to see a psychiatrist. In the mean time, my therapist expressed that she really wanted me to go med free. She had successfully helped me through a hypomanic state, and she really believes that I can do it. I wasn't too sure, but I was committed to trying.

I finally met with the psychiatrist. After reviewing my history, and talking with me he decided that he wants me to be on medication indefinitely. He said that especially with my history of hospitalization, he thinks it is my best chance at successfully managing the disorder.

I am actually okay with that. I still plan on making the lifestyle changes that I have been working on with my therapist, and adding medication into the mix can only help. The problem is, I want the medication that has helped me in the past. He is recommending all new medication. I was on Citalopram 40mg, Loxitane 10mg, and Ativan 1mg. He wants to swap the Citalopram out for Lithium, and the Loxitane out for another antipsychotic. I can't remember the name, but after he mentioned it I looked it up and it had some scary side effects.

My main issues with Lithium are that I heard you have to watch what you eat because it can effect your levels, and the weight gain that I hear about. I'm already a big girl, I don't need to get bigger. Am I overreacting?

I'm nervous about the antipsychotic as well, but they all seem to have pretty unsettling risks. I probably wouldn't have started Loxitane if I hadn't been in inpatient treatment at the time.