We accept the love we think we deserve CTB. If you believe this, it will manifest in your relationships. I spent many years despising people that loved me because I didn't think I deserved love and thought they must be weak, poor judges of character. That didn't turn out so well for me, as you can imagine. You have a lot going on, dating might not be the best idea for you right now.

You might try re-reading your last few posts as though someone else had written them and think about how you'd respond. I see you taking a lot of responsibility for your parents' actions and beliefs. My family is really messed up too. What I ended up doing was taking some time off from dating to work on myself. I decided to become the person someone I would want to date would want to date. It was tough, I stayed single for over a year but then I met an amazing person who had actually done the exact same thing. We had both worked through enough of our s*** that we believe we deserve the other and it's the best relationship I could ever imagine. There's no way it would have ever happened if we both hadn't done extensive work on ourselves though.