Quote:
Originally Posted by rcat
1. Mental illness is certainly heriditary. You have indicated you have Borderline Personality Disorder. Your description of your mother sounds very much like she has BP or BPD as well.
2. I wonder if the issue might be jealousy? That she is perhaps living vicariously through you and when you make a decsion she wouldn't it throws her a curve ball. And that maybe your successes are a reminder of her failures?
I am reminded a lot of my own mother. She too never accepted my life, I could never do anything right, and was incredibly hurtful my whole life. She went to her grave having never told me she was happy for me, accepted me, or was proud of me. If my mother was still alive, I would ask her what did she want from me? In what way or how was something missing? How come she never accepted me? And then I would ask her the million dollar question? What did she want? I would have told her I could do some of those things and perhaps try others, but that I couldn't be that person - could she love me all the same.
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I'm fairly certain she has a personality disorder and so does my sister. My mom fits the criteria for histrionic, she tends to be a huge drama queen but she's also very self focused. I'm fairly certain my sister has NPD. I know my mom's mom was very mentally ill too, probably had a pd herself. I think it's that my mom thinks she knows what's best for everyone and becomes hugely offended when we don't all immediately defer to her "better judgment." This is true for my 75 year old father, my half-sister in her late 40s, and my sister & myself both in our mid-30s. No matter how miniscule the decision, it's her way or we are wrong/hurtful to her/ungrateful/stupid/failures/etc. Yet she will insist with her final breath that she loves us and never would say anything hurtful to any of us.
Some of it could be jealousy. My sister and I both have lived our lives doing the complete opposite of her because she was always so miserable. We have both prioritized careers, while she was very dependent on men and has never functioned on her own. It's just frustrating wishing a parent would just love you and that be it. Probably if you could ask your mom what she wanted she wouldn't be able to tell you, but that's little comfort. I definitely wish my mother could show love in different ways but she is who she is.
