Hi all,
I'm new here and thank you in advance for any advice or support. I have been split from my narcissistic ex for 5 months now, and I am finding the rollercoaster ride to be really exhausting. I have been no contact for 3 months but am still finding it hard not to follow his new relationship on social media. I blocked him my phone, e-mail, as well as facebook this week. It's been a big step for me. Long story short, I found out he moved on to someone else after only 3 weeks of us being broken up. Finding out made me feel completely isolated and like I really never existed. They look blissful and happy together, and whereas I know that you can fake anything on social media, I suppose I keep watching to prove myself right. I keep hoping to wake up and see that this new woman of his has finally figured it out.

My ex and I were only together for four months, and it didn't take me long to figure out something was off. When I started questioning inconsistencies and flat out lies, that's when all hell broke loose. I was the one who left, but it has always felt like he left me first. I have read up on this disorder quite a bit and am in therapy and on medication. I feel better some days, but I hit these deep lows sometimes, and I am starting to feel like this emotional nightmare is never going to stop. It's also difficult to discuss this with friends, as no one who hasn't been here truly understands, no matter how hard they try. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep things in perspective? How do you finally get to the point where you stop believing the fake persona that the narcissist builds? How do you accept that happiness is not something that the narcissist is capable of? As my therapist and I have discussed, I understand these concepts intellectually, but I still am not there emotionally. I have good days where I can laugh at what a total nightmare he is, but I still find myself believing that I am the problem, and he can obviously make it work with someone else. All of this while still hating him and knowing I need him permanently out of my life. Sigh. I'm exhausted.