I'm so, so sorry. I wasn't married but my boyfriend of 12 years left me after my 5th hospitalization on Christmas Eve of last year. I got out of one hospital and went right back in the same day. Part of it was that he couldn't tolerate my symptoms and the other part was that he was afraid because he was triggering me. He chose to leave rather than examine his behavior and try to adapt to the situation.

I was so messed up after that that I wasn't able to process him leaving. I've only recently started feeling the loneliness and agitation with urges to SH. I'm in therapy twice a week because I really need the support. My t is amazing and gives me really helpful coping skills.

I'm still madly in love with my ex and I'm trying to woo him back. He's still in love with me but I'm not sure that he will be able to get over everything that happened and feel like he can go back into that situation, even if I show that in stable. (I'm not, but I hide it from him because I think he was traumatized by some of the things I did to myself. I know that might not be "right" but I don't care. I'm selfish.)

So basically, I cope with therapy, meds and the hope that we will work things out. Even if we don't, I need the hope right now.

I hope that you get the support that you need while you're going through this difficult time.