I have been waiting for this to come up, but i was afarid to talk about it. I do not take my meds right, side effects thats all BS. To be quit honest I have been sick so long, I don't know who I really am. It scares me of the thought of being thrown in the real world. I know I could'nt cope. Coping here takes all I have.

My God how selfish of me... I can't, my god what comes out here. I don't want to be like this, but what happens if I leave?
The rage and disgust I feel for myself, you could'nt know. I don't want to be screwed up on these meds.. Its a time like now out of sheer desperation, I climb back into the bottles...... I've been dxed BP, I have talk to my pdoc many times of this. Its the f!@#kn lies, lies I tell myself and everyone else. So sad.... This is a life I don't want..

Your not alone,,,,

I'm so sorry,,,,,,,,,,,,,,