Gost, I think that the difficulties you were having when you started therapy were probably a sign that there was something wrong and you needed help. Therapy gave it a chance to come out. It's like if you had an infected wound, but healed over, and it started to ache just a little, so you asked for treatment, and all the infection came pouring out when the wound was opened. That isn't pleasant to deal with, and you think you could really just bandage it back up again and keep right on going without looking back. But that wouldn't make it better, really. It would come back, maybe worse.

You deserve to actually get better. Keep trying, and try to be nice to yourself too.

((((( hugs ))))))
Rap