I have personalities without names too. In order to keep track of who is speaking when, my t and I just refer to them as the angry child, the hurt child, the protector, the bad child, etc. She doesn't like me calling one of them "bad," but that is how it feels.

I think I may be getting a DDNOS diagnosis at some point. My t is still unsure about the extent of my dissociation because I hide it as best I can. I think for a while, when we were doing IFS, my t thought I just had normal parts of me, like everybody does. But as time goes on, she has seen more distinct parts of me show up.

I feel scared and ashamed having parts of me that don't feel like the normal me. I try my best to exercise control over these parts so nobody notices. I try to hold them out of view either to protect them because I know people won't understand, or because I feel so ashamed and embarrassed at the way they think, speak, and behave. Most of the time, unless I get triggered, I am able to prevent full-out dissociation. Sometimes, though, I can be aware of a struggle taking place between two parts, and it can go on for quite awhile. When that happens, I feel like I am in a zone and more of a spectator than participant. At those times, I look and feel like I am in a zone and not really present. But I do not lose complete awareness.

Right now, one of my diagnoses is C-PSTD, and my t says that dissociation is a feature of this. So it may not even be DDNOS, I don't know. I'm pretty sure that my dissociation is not to the degree that I would have a DID diagnosis because I don't actually "lose time" or suddenly "come to" in a place where I don't remember going. My losing time is more like zoning out, getting fuzzy, not noticing things in my visual field, not noticing how my body feels, or suddenly being hit with emotions or thoughts that feel like they come out of nowhere and don't match with the way I normally think and feel.