I don't know what to do this weekend. I really feel the urge to go back to the hospital - the good one - I feel so unstable and want so badly to feel safe, but at the same time I don't know if that's the right thing. I wonder if I need to just press through this weekend, be strong. But is it really that big of a deal? I have plenty of weekends coming to press through, do I really need to be strong or show anything this first one when I feel so torn up and unstable inside? I just want to feel that safety so bad.
At the same time I'm afraid of being there too long, I really only need help for the weekend, but is that a reason to stay in the hospital, just because I don't think I can handle the weekend? I don't know. I really need to get back to school Monday... ideally, I think I'd like to go in until Sunday afternoon, just to be somewhere safe over this really bad weekend, where I won't risk suicidal thoughts developing further.
I'm so confused and emotional, maybe that's just more of a reason saying I don't know what's best and should go for it. At least the assessment again. I just don't know.