So I have both POTS and a number of anxiety disorders. POTS is an illness where your heart rate skyrockets when you stand, resulting in a lot of symptoms that are similar to anxiety symptoms (dizziness, shakiness, nausea, vision problems).
ANYWAY, I had to quit school and work due to the severity of this illness, and since then I've found that the symptoms of it come and go.
However, I have developed a fear of going in public places, especially stores, because I'm worried I will get an episode of either POTS or panic (it's hard for me to determine which my episodes are because they are so similar in nature) so I have been sitting at home a lot.
Today, I went to my grandma's and was super nervous I would get sick while I was there, until right before I was going to leave when I stood up and my vision blacked out, heart rate skyrocketed, and I felt like I was going to faint. I was very shook up and left, but felt strange afterward for about an hour.
I went home and waited for my boyfriend to get home from work. During that time, I realized that thanksgiving is tomorrow and that I have to spend the whole day at his grandparents and got incredibly nervous that I would get sick around his family. I also began to feel better, symptom wise.
He got home, and I acted like I was still dizzy and sick, like how I was a couple hours before, even though I wasn't at that time. I was trying to, for lack of better terms, fake sick to get out of going to thanksgiving tomorrow. He bought it and gave me the ok to not come, though he was a little upset and I think I also made him nervous about my health because I exaggerated my current sickness level to him a bit.
Now I feel TERRIBLE and am sitting here thinking how I am basically a POS, evil person deep down with terrible motives for everything I do.
I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS. THANKS