Hello all,

I'll try to be somewhat brief but to say the least my life is a real mess due to the actions I have taken. I am married, have been for over 5 years, and we have a young 4 year old child. When we had our child I was still in schooling, and it made things extremely difficult in trying to go to school and raise a child and work. I had wanted to wait until after I was done with school but my wife insisted on having it, and I eventually gave in to it.

This one event is one of my biggest regrets, because it has made things extremely difficult, and as a result, I made a decision to stop pursuing being a doctor due to how much time it would take and did a different career path. As awful as it sounds, I've grown very resentful towards both my wife and even worst my child. My child I love to death but they make things so difficult. They have some kind of underlining condition that seems to exhibit ADHD, and they are going through behavior therapy at the moment.

Because of this stress and unhappiness, I ended up having an affair with another women about 8 months ago. The affair lasted for about 4 months, and neither side were aware of the other. When I started the affair I was already at the point of planning to go through a divorce, and the woman I encourage tugged at me in a certain way, that I didn't experience before. In part it could have been my mental state, but I had many chances to cheat before in school, but it never interested me, but something about her was different.

The relationship ended as she developed a serious health condition and wanted to just be alone. I was heart broken, because it ended due to a serious illness she was diagnosed with, not because either side was "bad" to one another. I was still about to go through the divorce, but for some reason I couldn't do it. I don't know if it was the guilt of having our child split up between us, or fear...... it was finance or comfort of living, as both of us work and have well paying jobs. Living separately wouldn't be an issue.

I told my wife about my plans of almost going through a divorce, but not of the affair. We have been in MC and a lot of it lies on me as to whether the marriage will continue or not. In a way I do want the marriage to work, but I am having a hard time letting go of the affairing partner. In my mind I know logically that the may draw with her was the escape when I was her, escape from having to care for my child, escape of dealing with the stress and just enjoying the company of someone new. I think what makes it worse is the fact of what she has could be quite fatal, she is undergoing treatment and waiting on results.

Our break-up was about 2-3 months ago, and I just can not get her out of my mind. I am still in touch with her once a week, to see how she is doing, and as far as being back together, that is not possible as she has no interest at all in it, and in a way I don't either. But I'm confused as to what I want to do, with the marriage and just my life in general. My wife is trying like crazy to figure out what can help snap me out I guess to be happy, but even I don't know what.

I felt like I just rambled on a lot and still have so much to say, but will leave it at this for now. I'm just not sure what I want to do, but what I do know is I am very unhappy, despite having so much...