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Originally Posted by Data
Hi, I don't have a specific question its more of a rant really. I usually get really stressed and emotional at work. I try and keep my temper at work but its hard and it affects not just my working life but also my home life. I cope by overeating and drinking too much but as we all know this is not healthy.
I have a difficult home life also. My wife has serious psychological problems and she struggles to accept things. My son has Aspergers. I also have a teenage daughter. I have no real friends to turn to since I have relationship difficulties, so I can't really make friends.
I also have a lot of stress in my life. I work full time. I also work part-time as a tutor for a distance learning university. And I run a hiking club.
I work as a software developer and my work is very important to me. I feel the management don't listen to me, and that they don't respect me. I am the only software developer there, I know about how to develop programs and they don't. I have been working in computing since 2002, and I've been a programmer for 3 years now. I have a degree in computing and a PhD in artificial intelligence.
I struggle to form relationships at work and I've observed people from a distance ridiculing me (I am obese).
A couple of times I have lost my temper at work, usually its little flare-ups but one time I went in the lift and screamed and shouted at people and had to apologise. I struggle to control my anger.
I have mood swings and some mornings can be hell. I am taking citalopram at the moment but not sure it will help.
I am responsible for creating a large program at work and because of the way the company manages things, I am concerned that they are going to ruin the project and I will get the blame. But in my last job I was upset because the work was so hard, the project was failing and I hated my boss. In the job before that I struggled to find a niche in the company and I didn't get on well with people and lost my temper. In the job before that, I couldn't get on with my boss. Before my PhD, I had a job that I hated as I hardly did anything all day, there was no work for me. In the job before that I was overworked and subject to workplace bullying.
I can't remember the last time I was happy at work. So I am all wound up internally about the problems at work, but I know in 6 months they will have changed, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Why can't I just relax about things and leave work in the office? But it stresses me constantly. And its not just stress, its anger and guilt. I think the anger makes me drink more than the stress.
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I hope this helps. If you are not seeing a therapist, I recommend you find one. You will benefit from having someone help you untangle the upsetting threads of your life. You might also consider AA meetings and Overeaters Anonymous meetings. Nonjudgmental support can be very comforting and helpful--and this is something you can do just for yourself. This might be a good way for you to address your food and drink and relationship issues. One of the things I noticed about IT departments and personnel is that they are often better with
things--ideas, programs, data-- than people. View your job as a paycheck and keep concerns project related on the job. Stop 'seeing' the bullies making fun of your appearance; stop seeing it as acceptable to lose your temper on the job, stop hoping you will like your boss and start focusing on whatever the task is at hand and at quitting time: stop thinking about work.
I've worked with some truly horrible people. I know how disheartening it can be. But once you find more enjoyment in the other parts of your life, your job will recede in importance.
In my opinion, the workplace has changed. People no longer see the need or benefit in being civil or courteous or team-oriented. But it isn't politic to point that out, so I just get along the best I can and look for personal fulfillment elsewhere.