canders, that is great you were able to discuss the contract issue. It's OK your therapist was not happy with what you said about the contract. Sometimes when we really feel strongly about something, we just have to do what is right for us, despite what the T says. He is not your parent, after all. And I'm sure he says many other things which are helpful. As my T likes to tell me from time to time, he doesn't know everything, and I am free to reject whatever he says that really doesn't "fit".

It really sounds like you covered a lot of ground in this session.

That is great he thought of you outside of session and found the book passage he thought would be helpful. Sounds like he is putting some effort and thought into your therapy, and that is always good news.

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At least he told me that maybe it would be a good idea to go see a psychiatrist.

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Do you know why he suggested that?

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This is all my fault isn't it?

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No. I wouldn't say "this" is anyone's fault. It is your therapy, which isn't always easy. You're having to work at it, and so is T. Sounds like the way it is supposed to be!

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Make a list of fears and a list of reasons I don't want to change. That was hard work, but helpful for me. I tried to bring THAT up with T too, but he wasn't paying attention. Phooey.

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If you want to share that with your T, then bring it up again next time. It sounds like your session was jam packed with topics, so maybe it was just too much to bring the list up. Maybe you could also balance out that list with a list of reasons you do want to change!

Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing really good work.