I've been in a depression for over four years now, it's just persistently gotten worse to where I am now. I've been diagnosed with treatment resistant depression, major depressive episode. I'm at a point where getting out of bed to take a shower is a challenge, no motivation to do anything.

Last few months I've just focused on getting help and getting better. I've gone through many meds but I've been really sensitive to the meds and none really did anything for me. I was also in therapy at this time.

My psychiatrist was really pushing for ECT after I exhausted all med options which I didn't want to do. I stopped taking meds and seeing her. I told my psychologist this and she basically told me she can't see me anymore because I have to see more than one doctor.

I was spending probably $350ish a week on these doctors. To be honest I only got worse and worse seeing them. I feel lost, I went hoping they would make me feel better, and was disappointed when I never really got any great help

I don't know what to do know. I have suicidal thoughts and have had them for a long time. Nothing I act on but now seem inevitable.