Nurse yourself back up. Many have hit rock bottom and came back up. You're not alone fighting there, I'll PM some more if you don't mind that. Blood is messy, so I have learnt. You're just drinking, life shouldn't be that hard, should it? Take those messed up feelings as what they are, I wouldn't be able to eliminate, push away too much, they are coming from within us. Own them and move on. Post more if you need to. "takecare", who's word is that?