Thor : You really said it all when you said you hope " I find the courage to keep keeping on ".To me that's what it all boils down to. Through all the pain and everything else that goes with it comes the big question every morning when I wake up. Why ? Why should I fight through another day ? I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. Why do I seem to have a moral obligation, it seems ,to live this out until I die in a way not of my own hand ?

You said the main word , courage. I have to find the courage to carry on . It takes courage to meet something head on , and not be the opposite which is to be afraid and scared and just give up. But I'm not a martyr and I don't think that sucking up pain makes me any more of a man. Then I have to hear well you'll just have to Live with it , or there are plenty of people who have it worse than you. Well is that supposed to make me feel better ? It doesn't.

Even Jesus on the cross was in so much agony that He thought His Father abandoned Him.
I think I have this sick subconscious thinking that tells me pain is good to endure. Enduring pain till the end is Christ like. Is that sick or what ? If man can cure all pain don't you think he would ? Would I be one of those who reject the cure ?

I apologize for the rant and going off topic. These are all just questions that I tortuously ask myself all the time. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.