Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLynn
Yes I do. :/ I've told her these things and she doesn't really ... say or do anything. Just... "use thought records". I don't know if I'll ever get any better than this. I can't picture it. But I can't picture a future for myself, either.
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I don't want to pry so I will tell you this and you can apply what is appropriate for your age and situation.
I believe you need to tell your therapist exactly what you wrote in your original post. Print it out if need be. If you are a minor, share it with your family, too because I think you need an intervention now, today. No one should feel such horrible pain and feel it alone. Ask your therapist for a course of
action.
If you are an adult and handling your own finances and insurance, the same basic advice applies--ask your therapist for immediate help. As an adult you can choose a trusted friend or family member to confide it. Please enlist one of them to support you emotionally now, without judgment.
I am not a doctor. But I can tell you that I recognize much of what you have written. I have had those same feelings. I know how horribly painful they are. But I also recognize that some of them are developmental--in other words, that those feelings may change over time--so as painful as they are, consider them temporary and see if you can find any directional pointers in them. Let me clarify. Your pain seems to be focused around being thin. Mine was education. But in reality the underpinning is self-worth.
You are inherently worthy. As you are, right now, today and always.
All human beings have worth, and since you believe in God, I can tell you God has deemed that so.
It may comfort you to believe that the rule against suicide is to help people step back from temporary (although admittedly horribly painful) situations. For me, I have started looking at going to hell from suicide as spending an eternity with the horrible people I have encountered in my life--so I now run in the opposite direction from that idea!
But I know that you are still in pain. Some options open to you right now are the emergency room, a suicide prevention hotline:1 (800) 273-8255, a local ask a nurse hotline (many hospitals have these), and calling your therapist right now and asking for immediate help. You can also call a trusted friend or relative. And you can post here. I'm praying for you dear.