What was your 1st impression of your T?
What did you talk about?
What was it like?

I remember the intital contact was by phone. He called me to set up an appointment. I knew it was a sliding fee scale and I tried to explain to him on the phone that I didn't have insurance and I wouldn't be able to pay a high fee. He told me, "We will talk about that when you come in." I immediately decided that I hated him. (Hmmm... the beginning of a familiar pattern? Nooo... couldn't be...)

I remember being ten minutes late to the first session because I was still relatively new to Philly and was having a bit of trouble finding the place. I met him in the lobby and was immediately like, "No. I can't relate to this guy." Hahahaha.

We went upstairs and had an excruciating discussion deciding on the fee.

Other than that, there were no other formalities. No explanations of boundaries, no release forms, no intake assessment, no rote information gathering, nothing to fill out... the only instructions were, "Just talk."

He asked me what my reasons were for coming to therapy. I decided to play it off as though I was just coming for something minor. "Anxiety," I said. "I have some anxiety problems."

I don't remember too much else about the first session. I just remember the next couple weeks as a series of not thinking that it was going to work out. I seriously considered terminating and looking for another therapist.

I think all along I knew we were connecting and I was afraid. So I tried to convince myself that I hated him. I looked for every single reason. Interestingly enough, I did the same thing when I met my husband. I have since told my T all about this.

Also, at that time I didn't understand a lot of what analysis was about. I mean, I understood it from the perspective of studying some of it in school, but it's a whole different ballgame when you're the patient! My prior therapy was very different. This therapy was looking very unattractive to me because of its unfamiliarity.

I think it's so fun and interesting to look at where I am in therapy now, and how I feel about my T, and to look back at that first day, or those first couple of weeks, and compare. Everything seemed so foreign then.