Sending you hugs. It can really hurt to have fears like this.

You know this, but when I try to pretend like the fear's not there, it only becomes stronger. So much of your post resonates with me. I am also diagnosed with bipolar and OCD and am afraid that fearing going crazy will make me crazy. In one sense, it's true that fearing an episode can make one more likely. Accepting that fear is really hard. To make it harder, trying to address our control thoughts rationally can feel instinctual, but usually will only frustrate us.

I haven't found a perfect solution, but I'm finding that more time spent in self-care helps to quiet the fear as well as my symptoms. I've gone to anxieties.com for some techniques to address my OCD and need for control. Sharing through support groups is also integral to my treatment. Remember that you'll become stronger with every time you try to let go of control, whether the attempt is successful or not.