I had been out of a really bad 9 year relationship for a year and still experiencing a lot of anxiety attacks, depression and self destructive behaviors. This was 2007. I married a wonderful man whom I knew since childhood 2008 and everything was perfect ( still is) except my symptoms. Several docs insisted depression and I went through 2 years of different meds antidepressants and anti anxieties. They made it worse from the start but with doctors insistence we (my husband who I include in all my craziness and I) pushed on for two miserable years before giving up. The meds I remember- Prozac, sevaila, busbar, Ativan, Xanax, valume, celexa, lexapro I had a lot of bad reactions but docs played it off as side effects. I've had a really great doctor for about a year now and after a really bad episode that left me stairing at our gun cabinet with an almost carnal need to pull the trigger I knew it was time. Plus my father was finally diagnosed bp a few months prior so I had an idea my gut feeling was right all these years. I took my husband in to help me explain symptoms which was the best decision! I was referred to psychiatrist and started on depakote. I feel so much better and can't believe I've gone all these years without. So the meds are working great it's just now realizing all the things I've done, said, feel, the morbid thoughts. I have so much shame over them. I always thought it was normal now I see myself clearer I know it's not. It just opens up all new issues and I wonder if it's normal for bp to have really really bad and discusting self deprecating thoughts. I'm a wife and a mother of four. It just can't be right. Will they go away with the meds?