I don't know how this helps, but it shocked me so here goes...my mom used to be the same way. If I tried harder my house would be clean. Just do a few little things every day, etc. I wouldn't mess up my bills if I were more organized (that one is kind of true but I needed help to get organized). Etc. It made me feel awful.

Then I moved here. For 9 months I lived with my mom and stayed pretty stable during that time. Now I live 300 feet away. Since I have lived in this house I have had major surgery that left me incapacitated for nearly everything for 4 months and on some things for longer. And just about the time I could actually do things physically this episode from hell began and I've been very manic, mixed or depressed since without any real breaks (maybe a day or two twice).

My mom has helped me since I moved in with heavier housework because I couldn't do it physically and then the bipolar made it impossible. But living beside me she finally sees that I may spend most of my time in bed but that this is because I am exhausted and that I get completely overwhelmed by very small things. She knows that if there isn't food I will live on cereal and yogurt. Etc.

Seeing it this close her tune changed. Now she tells me to rest and makes me supper most nights so I get a healthy meal. Right now I'm not getting enough sleep because I can't stay asleep very long despite being so very, very tired from the depression and so instead of helping with dinner yesterday she told me to go take a nap on her bed. And when I tried to just suck it up she really encouraged a nap. Today again we were going to do something and she wound up telling me to nap and we'd do it later and then when I still wasn't up for it she was fine with that.

I don't honestly know how to deal with no-guilt mom. I can't get used to it. But she'd never seen a bad episode this up-close and now that she has she knows a lot more about what I live with, even though I've not said a lot. She even said at dinner that one of the things she is most grateful for is that I'm weeks away from getting the treatment that I need and have delayed for so long.

I don't know how this helps unless you have your mom move in with you and even then it took my mom physically seeing my lights on and me moving around still awake from the day before when she woke up that she started to understand. But I guess my point is that maybe someday she will get it. I certainly never thought mine could and suddenly she's super-mom about this. I have a birthday soon after Christmas and will probably be in the hospital or just out and feeling bad still. In the past she would have made a big thing about my not wanting to do anything until I'm better (I'm turning 40 so a big birthday) and this time she is just completely happy to celebrate in February or March when I'm stablized on Clozaril. Now she understands how hard I am pushing and sacrificing to be home for Christmas. 3 years ago I was IP for Christmas and thought the guilt would never end. No more.

Families are hard. They want to see us one way and we aren't always that way. I think it is mostly denial but it still hurts.

I hope that your dr figures things out and gets you started on the clozaril really soon so you can feel better.