I have been sad for the last couple days and I can't talk to anyone about my feelings. I haven't lost anyone by death, but by choice, and I still feel like it is the end of the world.

I broke off the contact to my father back in July. This was because of his constant hurtful and disrespectful behaviour, and it took me years to make that decision. First I moved away from my family, and now things with him got so bad that I can't take any more of it. It has always been hard, and I felt hurt and confused by his words and actions all the time. He lies, he drinks, he insults people, he doesn't respect women/homosexuals/people of colour etc etc and he was never there for me. He had a strange way of confronting me with his sexuality, he told me that he cheats on his fiancee, he refuses to go into therapy, the list goes on and on.

But I love him and of course I miss him. I have always missed him throughout my childhood. (My parents broke up when I was three) I know that he loves me, and I am so sad that I can't have a normal relationship with him. But it is just too painful talking to him and things are too hard.

I just don't know how to stop being so sad.