I just started my first thread on a similar topic, I too am haunted by thoughts of suicide and longing for some type of accident to happen. I am sick of the ups and downs, from feeling blessed to self loathing and an utter contempt for the world. Hating my cravings as they make me feel weak, to wanting indulge in worst things for me as a slow suicide. Thoughts of suicide are hard to deal with, for me it feels like my brain is being wrenched on. It takes a lot of strength to deal with suicidal thoughts, even though society has a different idea of mental illness. That depressed people are weak and need to suck it up. Suicide is permanent, hopefully our problems are not sometimes we have to do the things we don't want to in order to make it through the tough times. Take the medication and see the doctors. There are lessons to be learned in all of it but especially our worst experiences.