Woke up in ICU this morning, my husband was there, asked me why I didn't I tell him about what the oncologist said don't he have the right to know? I told him that I'm tired to hear that I'm grazy, I don't think straight, I'm negative, I'm ungrateful, I'm busy destroying everybody around me and it seems I don't care! So would it have made any difference if they knew the cancer is back, no, because the above will stay the same!

My parents came in to see me while my husband was there and I told them that I don't know how to be enough for them anymore and if they want to think I did it again because I'm seeking attention, they are so wrong what do they want me to read into everything they say to me! What went through my mind is to stop myself from destroying the people I love, so that they can be happy and go on with their lives.

I asked them to leave because I don't want to hear how a bad person I am anymore, I already know it by now! My heart almost stopped, my husband gave me a hug and told me that he will not give up on me he knows his Sunshine is still there, somewhere....

I could not talk the tears was pouring down my face, I wanted to tell him, my love that's all I want to be is your Sunshine