(TRIGGER) Let me see if I can finish this off so you have the whole story. Another incident I recall was finding a folder or note book that had several erotic stories in them. I won't list the content but suffice to say my mother had a varied sexual interest. Although I don't recall any of them being about incest.
The last thing that sticks in my mind is when I was about 15. Not being very good with the girls I remember being upset once at being rejected by a girl I was fond of, so I talked to my mother about it. Being sexually frustrated I guess, (only way I could think of to describe it.) I asked my mother if she would be a hooker for me. I was upset and crying when I asked this. She was also crying, seeing that something was really bothering me. Her answer was to hug me and say that she already had. Nothing happened, but we cried together for a while, and never spoke of it again. I moved out on my own when I was 16. I was in my mid to late 20's when she passed and we had never discussed it.
I guess what I am missing or looking for is some kind of closure. My sexual interest come and go but I seem to always be drawn back to that thought of mother son thought.
I seem to lean to the more taboo when it comes to sex and I think it has ruined several relationships that would have otherwise been good and long lasting.
Just