I can certainly relate to much of what you're saying. I'm bipolar and feel like, especially my mom, belittles me for that. I'm thinking that when my brother took his life 25 years ago, this would change mom into a more caring person. Nope.

I don't like who I seem to blend into the negative side of the family whenever we spend time together. Holidays are so hard. I try to remain positive for my daughters. I try and focus on the positives in my life. My mom doesn't really know or seem to care about any hurt she's inflicted on me. Hell, my grown daughters see through her. But, I try and emphasize more positive things. Probably because I went through a messy divorce and then their dad remarried. I think that my girls (twins age 21) have seen enough garbage and I just don't want to be like the others. I want to teach them better. And, that they can rise above hurtful people.

I have a really hard time being the one to keep trying. I don't feel like those that are so dysfunctional really deserve more and more chances. I tell myself that they will never really know the real me. I reserve the better parts of me for people I love and care about. My sister, a few friends/co-workers...that is where I start my list...