I’m feeling like the world is against me. As an eccentric liberal activist, my family always makes jokes about me. My stepmom alienates me in my dad’s house and criticized me for talking too much.

I moved to a major US city from China last year. I’ve been unable to get medication for my illnesses since my state cut off a ton of funding for mental health, so I’ve been put on year long waiting lists to get medicine. I was even hospitalized for a severe depressive episode in August. I was suffering with suicidal ideation, uncontrollable crying, and self-injury.

I’ve been doing a lot better. I’m in love with a wonderful person I may want to spend my life with. He’s very supportive. I’m trying to focus on my job as college instructor and applying for graduate school. If we are still going strong, I won’t go to grad school too far away, I won’t ever get to live abroad again, and I’ll acquire his student loans. This is all worth it to me.

However, his parents who have never met me are controlling and awful. They give him guilt trips all the time for living out of state. I wore a revealing costume for Halloween and took a picture with him and posted it online. His grandma shamed him and said he’s better than that (those she’s too cowardly to say what “that” is when asked) and his dad called him in the middle of the night and demanded he untag him. Since they’re strict Catholics, he can’t be honest with them about the seriousness of our relationship. Despite having dated for only 6 months, we’ve decided that we want to spend our lives together and will work towards building a stronger relationship. He hasn’t told him about the fact that I stay with him every night and that we’re planning on moving in together in 6 months.

They demand tons of time from him, which I’m not used to because my parents are very respectful of my time and independence. They fly him out of state during every break he has at school and every holiday. Despite him asking them not to, they booked his Christmas flight for every single day of Christmas break, so I couldn’t see my boyfriend for three weeks. Since it’s important to me and since dealing with that was affecting our relationship and my mental health, I told him that I was losing faith in the relationship and didn’t want to be in a relationship where my BF ignores my needs just to appease his parents.

He’s talked them in changing the flight (I now get two days, even though we asked for five). However, now they’re being emotionally manipulative and mean. His mother decided to cancel her annual Christmas party (five days before Christmas) because he can’t make it. He’s been accused of choosing someone he’s known for five months over his family (reminder: I get two days). Now, his entire family, which he says includes his parents, grandparents, sister, and teenage brother, are furious with him and hate me. I’ve never met these people.

I’m furious because no one, save for my bf, is considering my feelings or taking me seriously. I was initially invited to Christmas, but they didn’t want to pay for me. My mom offered, but I don’t want to be around people who are rude to me, so I’m visiting friends over break instead. I don’t understand how these people can be so selfish and be so disrespectful.

I refuse to let this situation make me feel guilty because I’m not responsible for the actions of inconsiderate humans who don’t know me. I feel awful for my poor bf, though.

To top it all off, his roommates are annoyed that I’ve been staying with him and it seems like they want to “talk about stuff”, even though I buy them household supplies, clean the bathroom, and bake them cookies. They treat me like I don’t exist, despite efforts to establish friendships with them. He can’t stay with me because I have noisy roommates that keep us up, despite the fact that we’re professionals.

I’m trying to focus on the good, and there is a LOT of good, but I feel like the steps I take to better myself and build an adult life keep being met with unnecessary drama. I’m very angry and emotional.

Update, as I’ve been writing this, his mother now wants to fly me to Florida for the weekend I’m now supposed to have with him. I appreciate the offer, but idk what I should do. I’m very uncomfortable with them and won’t be able to spend time alone with my bf. Also, I give my final exams right before that and have to work Monday and am worried about risking a flight delay.

I told him that I’ll have to think about it. He’s now mad at me for being difficult.

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